There are questions people carry for years without ever speaking aloud. They hide them under humor, mask them with bravado, or bury them in the “too awkward to ask” drawer. In my practice as a physician, I have heard almost every kind of question about sexual health — and the truth is, the most “embarrassing” ones are often the most important to ask.
Sexual health is as fundamental to our well-being as heart health or mental health, yet it is often shrouded in discomfort and stigma. People fear judgment. They worry about sounding strange. They convince themselves they must be the only one. But here’s the reality: there is no such thing as a “weird” sexual health question. If you are wondering about something in your body, chances are, thousands of others are wondering the exact same thing.
In this conversation, I want to take you into the exam room — not the sterile, fluorescent-lit space, but the one where you can exhale, relax, and speak openly. Imagine we are sitting together, and you’ve finally decided to ask. I’ll answer the most common, awkward, and misunderstood questions people have about sex and their bodies, in the way I wish more doctors did: with candor, empathy, and science.
“Is My Body Normal?”
One of the first questions I hear — often couched in nervous laughter — is about appearance. Genitals, breasts, skin, hair, and even scent. The question behind the question is rarely about anatomy; it’s about belonging. It’s about wanting to know if you are okay.
Bodies vary more than the human mind naturally expects. Because people are bombarded with curated images from pornography, media, and even filtered selfies, they start believing there is a “standard” body type. There isn’t. Labia come in countless shapes and lengths. Penises vary in size, curvature, and color. Breasts are rarely symmetrical. Pubic hair grows in unique patterns, and skin pigmentation can differ even within small areas.
When I tell patients this, they often look stunned. It’s as if years of silent worry suddenly melt away. The truth is, your sexual anatomy is likely entirely healthy and normal — even if it doesn’t match the airbrushed image you’ve seen on a screen.
“Why Do I Sometimes Have No Desire for Sex?”
Sexual desire is not a static setting; it’s a fluctuating rhythm influenced by physical, psychological, and social factors. There are seasons in life when libido is high and others when it dips — sometimes for reasons you can pinpoint, other times for reasons that remain a mystery.
Stress is one of the most powerful dampeners of desire. When your body is in survival mode, it prioritizes safety over pleasure. Fatigue, relationship conflict, depression, anxiety, and certain medications (especially antidepressants and hormonal contraceptives) can also lower libido. Hormonal changes during pregnancy, postpartum, and menopause can reshape desire entirely.
This is not a sign of brokenness. It is a sign that your body and mind are responding to your current reality. Understanding that ebb and flow is the first step. If lack of desire causes distress, there are evidence-based treatments — from therapy and relationship counseling to adjusting medications or addressing hormonal changes.
The important thing to remember: desire is complex, and having it change does not mean you’ve lost a part of yourself.
“Is It Normal to Experience Pain During Sex?”
Pain during sex — medically called dyspareunia — is not something to be endured in silence. Unfortunately, many people do. They may feel ashamed, worry about “ruining the moment,” or assume it’s just part of intimacy. It isn’t. Pain is your body’s signal that something needs attention.
The causes are varied. For some, vaginal dryness from hormonal changes, certain medications, or insufficient arousal makes penetration uncomfortable. For others, pelvic floor muscle tension, endometriosis, infections, or skin conditions can be the culprit. Even psychological factors, such as anxiety or trauma, can lead to physical discomfort.
When I speak to patients, I stress that pain is never “normal” in the sense of being expected or acceptable. It is common, but it’s also treatable. With the right evaluation and care, most causes of sexual pain can be addressed — through lubrication, pelvic floor therapy, medical treatment, or counseling. Pleasure and comfort are not luxuries; they are part of healthy sexuality.
“Why Does My Body React in Unexpected Ways?”
Bodies can be quirky. Erections at inopportune moments, vaginal lubrication without arousal, orgasms triggered by non-sexual activities like exercise — these things can puzzle and sometimes embarrass people.
Physiological responses are not always tied to emotional or sexual desire. Erections, for example, can be triggered by shifts in blood flow, not just erotic stimulation. Vaginal lubrication can occur in response to general arousal of the nervous system, even during moments of stress. This doesn’t mean your body is betraying your feelings; it’s simply biology at work.
One of the most liberating things I can tell patients is that sexual response is not always a moral or emotional statement — it’s a physiological reflex. Understanding that can help remove the shame that often accompanies these moments.
“Is Masturbation Healthy?”
For generations, myths about masturbation have been used to control sexual behavior. People were told it would cause blindness, infertility, or moral decay. None of this is true. Masturbation is a normal, healthy sexual activity that can help people explore their bodies, relieve stress, and even improve sleep.
From a medical standpoint, there is no evidence that masturbation causes physical harm when done in moderation. It can be a safe outlet for sexual expression and may even strengthen sexual communication with partners. The only concern arises when it interferes with daily functioning, relationships, or is used to avoid addressing deeper emotional needs.
The real question is not whether it’s “normal” but whether it’s serving you in a healthy way.
“What About Changes in Sexual Function With Age?”
Aging reshapes the sexual landscape in ways that can be unsettling — but also freeing. Hormone levels shift, blood flow changes, and recovery time after arousal lengthens. For men, this can mean less firm erections or the need for more direct stimulation. For women, vaginal dryness or thinning of tissue can affect comfort.
These changes are not a sign that sexuality is ending; they’re a signal to adapt. Many older adults report deeper intimacy, less performance anxiety, and more creativity in their sexual lives. Medical treatments — from topical estrogen to erectile medications — can address physical hurdles, while open communication can strengthen emotional connection.
“Why Does My Sexual Orientation or Attraction Feel Fluid?”
Sexuality is not always fixed; it can be dynamic over a lifetime. Some people experience shifts in who they are attracted to, or how they identify, at different stages of life. This can be confusing, especially if one has lived in a rigid cultural or religious framework.
As a doctor, I remind people that sexual orientation is about patterns of attraction, but those patterns can evolve. This doesn’t mean earlier feelings were “false” — it means human sexuality is complex. The healthiest approach is self-compassion and openness to exploring what feels authentic now.
“Is It Okay If I Have Sexual Fantasies I’d Never Act On?”
The mind is a vast playground for sexual imagery. Fantasies often explore scenarios we would never want in reality — and that is normal. The brain uses fantasy as a way to process curiosity, stimulate arousal, or experiment with power dynamics in a safe mental space.
What matters is consent and safety in reality. Having a fantasy does not mean you desire it to happen. Distinguishing between fantasy and desire is key to understanding your own mind without fear or self-judgment.
“When Should I See a Doctor About Sexual Health?”
The answer is: sooner than most people think. Any persistent pain, sudden changes in sexual function, unusual discharge, sores, lumps, or unexplained bleeding should be checked. Concerns about fertility, unexplained changes in desire, or emotional distress related to sexuality are also reasons to seek help.
Unfortunately, many delay care because they fear being judged. A good clinician will meet you with empathy and evidence-based guidance. If yours does not, find one who will. Your sexual health is an essential part of your overall health.
“How Do I Talk to My Partner About This?”
Communication is the heartbeat of sexual well-being. The most physically compatible partners can struggle if they cannot talk openly about needs, discomforts, and desires. Yet discussing sexual health can feel risky — especially if you fear rejection or shame.
I encourage people to frame conversations as shared explorations rather than criticisms. Use “I” statements. Share what feels good, not just what doesn’t. Approach the topic outside the bedroom when emotions are calm.
When both partners feel safe to speak and be heard, sexual intimacy becomes richer, more playful, and more satisfying.
The Bottom Line: Curiosity Is Healthy
The truth is, the most “embarrassing” questions are often the most universal. They cut to the core of what it means to be human: to want connection, to seek pleasure, to navigate vulnerability. Every question you’ve ever hesitated to ask about your sexual health is a thread in a much larger tapestry of human experience.
In my years as a doctor, I have learned this: there is no normal in the narrow sense. There is only what is healthy and fulfilling for you, guided by science, self-awareness, and mutual respect. Your body is not a source of shame. Your curiosity is not a flaw. And the moment you ask — the moment you step out from behind the curtain of embarrassment — you open the door to understanding, healing, and joy.