There is something undeniably powerful about getting back together with an ex. It can feel like destiny correcting a mistake, like fate offering a second chance. The familiar voice, the shared memories, the comfort of someone who already knows your history — it all feels like home rediscovered.
But beneath that warm glow of reunion, a quieter force may be building. A recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that relationships defined by breaking up and getting back together — known as relationship cycling — may carry a hidden cost. Not just emotional turbulence in the moment, but a slow accumulation of stress that seeps into both the mind and the body.
And the most startling part? This pattern is far from rare. Nearly two thirds of adults have experienced at least one on-again, off-again relationship in their lifetime.
The Weight of Unfinished Goodbyes
Researchers have long noticed that couples in unstable relationships often report lower satisfaction and more negative interactions than those in stable partnerships. But until now, there has been limited direct evidence showing how this specific pattern of breaking up and reconciling might function as a chronic stressor.
René Dailey, a professor in the Department of Communication Studies at the University of Texas at Austin, along with colleagues Amber Vennum and Kale Monk, wanted to dig deeper. They were particularly interested in how problematic interaction patterns — such as ineffective conflict resolution and communicative aggression — might connect to ongoing stress and declining mental health.
Their suspicion was simple but profound. When couples break up, they do not necessarily resolve the conflicts that drove them apart. And when they reunite, those unresolved issues may return with them.
Over time, this pattern may slowly drain a couple’s emotional reserves. Each reunion might begin with hope, but underneath, the same tensions may linger — unresolved, unspoken, waiting.
A Closer Look at the Data
To explore this idea, the researchers analyzed four separate datasets collected through online surveys. Each group offered a different window into the experience of relationship cycling.
In the first sample of 383 adults, about 34 percent were currently in cyclical relationships. Participants reported how many times they had broken up and renewed their relationship, along with recent psychological symptoms such as anxiety, depression, irritability, or loneliness. They also reported physical symptoms, including headaches, stomach aches, and general illness.
The pattern was clear. Those in cyclical relationships reported more psychological symptoms than those in stable relationships. Even more striking, a higher number of breakup cycles was associated with more physical symptoms. The body, it seems, may keep a record of relational instability.
The second sample involved 283 college students, with 44 percent currently in cyclical relationships. This time, the researchers measured relational stress — the specific anxiety, worry, and emotional exhaustion that stem directly from the romantic partnership itself.
Here, the connection sharpened. Those in on-again, off-again relationships experienced significantly higher relational stress compared to individuals who had never broken up with their partner. The data suggested an indirect chain reaction: relationship cycling was linked to increased relational stress, and that stress predicted greater psychological and physical health complaints.
In other words, the breakups themselves were not the only story. The stress generated within the relationship acted as a bridge, carrying emotional strain into mental and physical symptoms.
When Conflict Lingers After Reunion
The third dataset focused on 306 individuals who were currently in cyclical relationships. The researchers wanted to know whether the sheer number of breakups mattered. Did the stress grow heavier with each cycle?
It did. Participants who reported more breakup-renewal cycles with their current partner also reported higher levels of relational stress. The tension appeared cumulative.
The fourth group, consisting of 99 participants, looked more closely at interaction patterns. The researchers examined ineffective conflict resolution, such as leaving arguments unresolved, and aggressive communication, including yelling, deception, or invading privacy.
Both of these behaviors interacted with the number of breakup cycles to predict higher relational stress. Interestingly, the association between negative behaviors and stress was strongest for couples with fewer breakups.
The researchers suspect this may reflect a ceiling effect. For couples with a long history of breaking up and reuniting, stress levels may already be so elevated that additional conflict does not cause a dramatic spike. They are already operating near maximum tension. For couples with fewer breakups, however, sudden bursts of hostility may hit harder, producing sharper increases in stress.
Stress That Compounds Over Time
René Dailey explained that stress from conflict or aggression experienced early in the relationship may not disappear when couples reconcile. Instead, it may linger beneath the surface, making it increasingly difficult to manage new challenges.
Each breakup may feel like a reset. But emotionally, it might not be. If conflicts remain unresolved, they can resurface in subtle ways — shaping arguments, influencing reactions, draining patience.
Over multiple cycles, this unresolved tension may compound. Emotional resources — the resilience, empathy, and calm needed to navigate conflict — may become depleted. And as those reserves shrink, partners may struggle more with both old and new stressors.
The result is not just relational dissatisfaction. The stress appears to extend into broader well-being, linking to both psychological distress and physical complaints.
The Limits of What We Know
While the findings are compelling, the researchers are careful not to overstate them. All four datasets are correlational, meaning they show associations but cannot prove direct cause and effect.
It remains possible that individuals who already struggle with mental health challenges or external stressors may be more likely to experience relationship instability. In that case, the symptoms could contribute to the cycling, rather than result from it.
There are also demographic limitations. The participants were primarily white, heterosexual individuals recruited online or from college courses. This means the findings may not fully represent the experiences of people from different racial groups, sexual orientations, or socioeconomic backgrounds. The researchers also did not track which partner initiated the breakups, a factor that could significantly shape stress levels.
Future research, they hope, will follow couples over time in a longitudinal design. By tracking the same individuals across multiple relationship transitions, scientists could better understand how stress accumulates and whether relational stress truly serves as the link between cyclical romance and declining health.
Why This Research Matters
At first glance, getting back together with an ex can feel romantic — proof that love is strong enough to survive separation. And sometimes, reconciliation may indeed lead to growth and healing.
But this research suggests that when breakups and reunions become a pattern, the emotional cost may quietly accumulate. Relationship cycling appears to function as a chronic stressor, one that may chip away at mental health and even manifest in physical symptoms.
The implications are deeply human. They remind us that relationships are not just emotional experiences but physiological ones. Stress born in arguments and unresolved conflict can ripple outward, influencing anxiety, depression, headaches, stomach aches, and overall well-being.
Perhaps most importantly, the findings highlight the importance of resolution. If couples choose to reunite, addressing the underlying issues — rather than simply rekindling affection — may be crucial. Without resolution, each reunion may carry forward the weight of unfinished business.
Love can circle back. But if the circle keeps spinning without healing, the body and mind may feel every turn.
